Time to Re-Program

So yesterday, I decided that my weight loss journey wasn't going to be completely based on calorie intake, calories burned, stressing, and feeling guilty if I've gone over those calories. On this new journey of weight loss I have had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that your brain gets programmed by your parents and family at a very young age and they continue to influence that program to be habit. There are multiple programs in one's mind all in different areas of life and there are some programs that are harder than others to re-program. One area I have found that I need to re-program is my mindset about food. I think until I have that re-programmed, I will not have any successful and long lasting weight loss. This revelation I have had may be just what I need to help re-program my mindset. I have noticed more and more that I eat out of habit, boredom, stress, and insecurity.

 I have discovered that out of habit that I tend to want to snack or eat dessert type foods like cake, ice cream, or cookies after lunch and dinner as well as have a snack in the afternoon. Growing up we did have ice cream, cake or cookies after every meal! So not healthy! But that's how my family rolled. Not only did I learn that from my parents, but my grandparents on both sides always had some sort of dessert after meals. Changing my mindset about having dessert on hand always and eating dessert after every meal has been somewhat changed. I don't always have desserts around or after every meal, but when there are some in the house, I definitely do. And if there isn't anything around, I crave something sweet. This particular area of changing the habit is still a work in progress but has made some progress nonetheless. Then growing up we always came home from school and had a snack before dinner while doing homework. So that has translated to an afternoon snack of some sort to this day.

Then I have found more and more that I eat out of boredom and have done that ever since I can remember. If I'm watching TV or a movie, I want to have something to munch on. Looking back it seems like there were a lot of nights where we had a small snack while watching TV before bed and I think that has stayed with me all these years.

Since having kids, I've come to the realization that I am a stress eater. When I'm having a rough day and put the kids down for quiet time, I go straight to the cupboard and eat something terrible and feel guilty as soon as I'm finished.

What I mean when I say I eat out of insecurity, I am referring to my father and brother taking whatever leftovers I may have had in the refrigerator and eating them. It never failed. I would put leftovers I had in the refrigerator and put my name on it and write, "DO NOT EAT!", and put it clear in the back of the fridge where you think people wouldn't see it since that is where you always find moldy stuff that you forgot about! But no matter what I did, my dad and brother always seemed to sniff it out and eat it.  Another thing I thought of was that when we were sitting to a meal, my family tended to clean the dishes out and eat everything and it seemed to be a competition of sorts of who got the last serving. So if you didn't get the last serving, you didn't get anymore. So guess what!? I got programmed into thinking or feeling like there would be no more food of that kind so I had to eat it while it was available. This is the biggest mindset re-program that I need to make. I am blessed with plenty of food always. I have no reason to not think there will be any food left for me to eat. I should not fear putting my leftovers in the refrigerator and worry about someone else eating them. And not only that but I should be giving and unselfish. I should let whoever wants it have it. There will always be more another time.

While writing this I have noted that I tend to be a closet eater in all these areas. No matter whether its a time when I eat out of habit, stressful eating, boredom eating, or insecurity, I will eat huge amounts because no one can see me. If people are around, I tend to eat more appropriately and don't over eat. I need to learn to not be greedy in my eating and eat to live, not live to eat. Food is delicious, food is wonderful, and food is needed. So this re-programming I will have to do is going to be tough. But with the support of great friends and supportive family, I know that I can re-program my mindset of how to eat and live and not feel guilty.

Epic Fail

I've been absent for a few months.....and by a few I mean like 6 months. The last 6 months haven't gone so great. I said in the beginning I would never see the weight on the scale that I had lost. Well, yet again, I am reminded to never say never. I have gained all of it back and then some. In the beginning I knew why I had gained some of the weight back. I mean, let's face it, summer came and we went on vacation for a couple weeks and then other trips and whatnot came up and I ate terribly. I will say I didn't go overboard but I wasn't exercising as much to compensate. But today, I have gained yet another 2 lbs and I have been working out as much as I can and even counting the calories. I'm not sure what the deal is but I was so upset by it that I almost cried. Then when talking to my friend this morning about it, I finally just realized, you know what! I need to just be happy with who I am and what I look like. I need to continue to exercise and enjoy it and just try to eat less and more healthfully. Then from there whatever happens, happens. I've decided that stressing over whether I'm losing or gaining isn't going to help me. My true friends love me the way I am, I have a husband who loves me no matter what, and I have 2 little blessings that love me no matter what. So from today forward, I am giving up on making a weight loss goal and stress over how many calories I've eaten and have I done enough exercise. I will eat when necessary. I will exercise to enjoy myself. I have found that I like running. Who knew! So now that I have a treadmill in my home, I will use that as often as I can and use that to de-stress and enjoy!

New Challenges!

Today marks the beginning of a new 10 week challenge! This challenge I have created just for myself. I'm not competing with a team or against anyone but myself. I noticed that if I had something to work towards I was achieving my goals. So my new goal is to do 200 hours of activity/exercise in the 10 weeks and lose 10 lbs or 5%. If I am able to meet these goals, I am rewarding myself with either a massage or a mani/pedi. 

So to start off my first day of my new 10 week challenge, I am off to Des Moines this afternoon with some zumba friends for the Glow Run 5K. No I will not be running this! Someday I may run a 5K but not today. Thank goodness I wasn't planning on running anways. Wednesday I slipped on the wet deck taking out the garbage and really hurt my behind and my left ankle/foot. The foot wasn't too bad yesterday....in fact it is almost healed. But yesterday I saw the chiropractor to help put me back from falling down 3 steps. Good thing my foot is in walking condition! And thank goodness I fell on my behind and hurt my foot instead of my head! Not something you want to happen when you're home alone with the kids! 

Well I am off! Des Moines Glow Run here I come!

Live Healthy Iowa 10 Week Challenge Complete

Before 

After

The challenge started January 28th and ended April 5th. I lost 4.55% of my body weight. I had 175 hours 28 minutes of exercise activity over the challenge period. The challenge was very motivating. I am really glad that I did it. Now to keep the challenge going personally. Gotta try and meet my wedding anniversary goal. 9 more pounds to go! I am thinking of trying a Piyo class at the gym in the next week or two when I can get a yoga mat bought. Another goal I am going to try and achieve is drinking the amount of water needed to help boost my weight loss. I read an article today that says you should be drinking half of your body weight in water. That is 94.5 ounces every day! I have only been drinking about 40 so I need to double my water intake. It seems like an awful lot of water but I'm sure my body needs it. Some days I don't feel like I am thirsty and then by the end of the day I find that I've only drank about 12-16 ounces that day! Yikes! So here's to water! My new friend!

Visitors

The past week has been a great week with family visiting from out of town. Both sets of parents visited. It has been awhile and was nice to have them around for a few days each. However, the week was filled with eating out at least once a day. So glad that doesn't happen very often. But on the positive side, I managed to not gain any weight while they were here! Even with eating some high calorie meals! Yay me! 

Then Saturday rolled around and I was so sick to my stomach. I hadn't ever had pain and nausea that way so Sunday morning I went to the doctor. He said I had a little flu bug but I'm not sure that was it. I never actually puked or ran a fever. So now that I am feeling much better, I am wondering if after not eating any fast food or hardly any restaurant food so often in a weeks time since December, I may have just been sick from all the unhealthiness I put in my body over the last week. So now seeing how great I feel when I don't eat out helps curb the desire and cravings of eating out. Which obviously seems like common sense but not having to cook can make eating out or take out enticing. 

So now the 10 week challenge is done. Over the challenge I have lost 4.55% which is about 9 lbs. Since January 1st I have lost 11 lbs. And since pre-Noah I have lost 21 lbs. Since post Noah I have lost 32 lbs. My goal is 130 so I have about 59 lbs to go! I'm pushing through and I have my eye on the prize! The prize of a fit and healthy body and a new wardrobe! Woohoo!

Easter

I hit another milestone. I am out of the 190's. Thank goodness! I hope I never see those numbers again! I'm finally doing something right! Still struggle sometimes but all the hard work is well worth it. 

We just finished Easter and its a joyous time remembering what Christ did for us on the cross so many years ago. But somehow with that comes all the candy and junk. And for us with family out of town, they tend to come and visit around Easter. With family  in town we are bound to eat out a few times. Boy does that kill one's calorie count for a day! So not only do you have the candy to say no to but you have to either eat what you want and push hard in the gym or do extra workouts or really number crunch or really know what to order to not ruin your day. I know that its okay to have a "cheat day" but I don't believe it should be "cheat days". So the in-laws came, I ate too much at lunches out. Now they have gone and my parents are arriving tomorrow. I'm trying to not let this be a "cheat week" but boy is it hard to not! 

Even though my calories these last few days have been blown, today is a new day and so is tomorrow. And my kids had a great weekend celebrating Christ's death, burial, and ressurection as well as spending time with Grandma Smith and Aunt Shoshannah. 

Success :)

I tried 2 new recipes this past weekend. One was a complete success. I tried toddler muffins and both of my kids loved them. They were a complete success because not only did they taste good but Noah actually will eat them and he doesn't know he's eating squash and carrots with his bananas! So now it will be my mission to find more recipes or just slightly alter this one to get more veggies and fruit in him! The other recipe I tried was Apple Cinnamon Quinoa Bites. They tasted okay. I'm not 100% excited about them but I can eat them. However, Evey tried one bite and was ready to spit it on the floor. So if she won't eat it I didn't even bother asking Noah to try it.  

Today if I can find the time and energy to do so, I will be trying the baked oatmeal of which I said I would try this past weekend. Hopefully I can get Mr. Noah to eat those! Here's to hoping!

Fail.

Okay so I was all about fighting my craving for sweets. I apparently need to work on the self-discipline and plaster my Philippians 4:13 all over my house, car, forehead, you name it. I ended up having a brownie last night. FAIL! But today was a new day and I was able to start anew. I saw this on Facebook from a friends share post. Thought it fit this post today and one I need to remind myself of when I do fail.

I kept myself busy with grocery shopping, putting away groceries, and a vet appointment in Anamosa and did really well with my eating. I did allow myself a chocolate chip cookie bar tonight, but that was the only sweet I had today. So today I will consider myself having a victory. If I keep myself busy with other things, I don't end up wanting to eat or I just forget to eat. But why oh why can I not have that kind of energy everyday to do so many things that need to be done?! Gonna have to push myself, but hopefully we will get some warmth and sunny days to melt this snow to cheer me up. I feel as if this winter has held on for too long. I am ready for all the bright yellows, greens, pinks, and all the colors of spring and summer. Not a fan of hot hot summers and love having all four seasons, but definitely I am ready for some warmer temperatures. And I think that when its warm and I can be in the sunshine, walk barefoot outside, and have all my windows open a more cheery and energetic Abby will emerge. 

Tomorrow I may try some new recipes. I want to try some Apple Cinnamon Quinoa Bites from And They Cooked Happily Ever After and some Baked Oatmeal from Sugar Free Mom. I am hoping that making these tomorrow they 1) taste yummy and 2) will freeze well for when we need them. So tomorrow we shall see. I have tried some recipes that have failed and one of them was just 2 days ago. I tried Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal. I LOVE pumpkin anything but that was definitely not a recipe for keeps. Even Evey didn't like it. So now for a good nights rest to zumba in the morning, clean and bake in the afternoon. :) And hopefully when I come back tomorrow I can tell you that the recipes were a success! 

Sweets, Sweets, and More Sweets!

Weight loss is so hard when you are craving sweets. I am really craving them today and I don't know how to get rid of the cravings without totally ruining my day! It is so frustrating! And it doesn't help that I don't have much in the house right now of which I could even make a low calorie sweet treat to help get by and even then it seems like once I start I just can't stop! I just want more with each bite! What's a girl to do?! I know I need to push through the craving and have some self control but boy is it hard. But I have to remember that I am not only doing it for myself but for my kids and husband. I have to remember that I don't want my kids to have the "fat mom" and be embarrassed by me. I don't want my kids to wake up one day and their mom is gone.  I just have to remember that these are the one's I am doing this for: 

I love these kids more than I ever thought was humanly possible and its a love like no other. I pray that when they are older they are proud to call me their mother and thankful for me and all the wisdom I have given them. And because of my determination to fight my cravings, I can be the best mom I can be. 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

                                            

                                             Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

The Journey Is On.

A new year began. I finally had had enough of my weight bouncing up and down and never feeling good in my skin. I decided that if I didn't feel good about myself, and didn't put myself first, then my kids wouldn't have a healthy view of themselves and the unhappy and unhealthy mommy would just make for an unhealthy family. Do I want to set my kids up for feeling the way I do? No. If I don't put an importance on healthy living then my kids won't either. I have wanted and tried many times to lose weight. Finally this year a light bulb turned on! I just needed to make the changes for everyone in my family, not just myself. I needed to have others along side me encouraging me, and not depriving myself. So lifestyle change here we go! Here is a picture of me at the beginning. 

So at the end of January I was asked about joining a 10 week challenge with Live Healthy Iowa. I wasn't sure about spending the money to do such a thing but I liked the idea of having a team of others who were looking to get healthy too who could encourage me. And the fact that I knew I had to keep up my end of the bargain made me even more motivated because I didn't want to let my team down.  Since the New Year, I have lost 10 lbs. I'm the lowest I've been since my first year of marriage. I have become addicted to Zumba and go three times a week. Lucky for me, the gym where I was going to do Zumba finally started offering Zumba with their membership and their membership was the cheapest I had heard. So I was able to get a membership and not only save money but burn even more calories because I could now use the gym equipment! Now I have a goal of being able to run and keep up with my husband. I'm not quite there yet but I know I can get there if I set my mind to it. So far I've worked myself up to being able to jog a mile of which is a great accomplishment. Before I was lucky if I could jog a 1/4 mile. 

I have a goal of losing 10 more lbs by May 12th. May 12th will mark 6 yrs that I have been married to my wonderfully supportive husband. I am working to get down to where I was when we got married by then. I know I can do it if I just keep pushing myself and moving forward with no looking back! So here we go!