Time to Re-Program

So yesterday, I decided that my weight loss journey wasn't going to be completely based on calorie intake, calories burned, stressing, and feeling guilty if I've gone over those calories. On this new journey of weight loss I have had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that your brain gets programmed by your parents and family at a very young age and they continue to influence that program to be habit. There are multiple programs in one's mind all in different areas of life and there are some programs that are harder than others to re-program. One area I have found that I need to re-program is my mindset about food. I think until I have that re-programmed, I will not have any successful and long lasting weight loss. This revelation I have had may be just what I need to help re-program my mindset. I have noticed more and more that I eat out of habit, boredom, stress, and insecurity.

 I have discovered that out of habit that I tend to want to snack or eat dessert type foods like cake, ice cream, or cookies after lunch and dinner as well as have a snack in the afternoon. Growing up we did have ice cream, cake or cookies after every meal! So not healthy! But that's how my family rolled. Not only did I learn that from my parents, but my grandparents on both sides always had some sort of dessert after meals. Changing my mindset about having dessert on hand always and eating dessert after every meal has been somewhat changed. I don't always have desserts around or after every meal, but when there are some in the house, I definitely do. And if there isn't anything around, I crave something sweet. This particular area of changing the habit is still a work in progress but has made some progress nonetheless. Then growing up we always came home from school and had a snack before dinner while doing homework. So that has translated to an afternoon snack of some sort to this day.

Then I have found more and more that I eat out of boredom and have done that ever since I can remember. If I'm watching TV or a movie, I want to have something to munch on. Looking back it seems like there were a lot of nights where we had a small snack while watching TV before bed and I think that has stayed with me all these years.

Since having kids, I've come to the realization that I am a stress eater. When I'm having a rough day and put the kids down for quiet time, I go straight to the cupboard and eat something terrible and feel guilty as soon as I'm finished.

What I mean when I say I eat out of insecurity, I am referring to my father and brother taking whatever leftovers I may have had in the refrigerator and eating them. It never failed. I would put leftovers I had in the refrigerator and put my name on it and write, "DO NOT EAT!", and put it clear in the back of the fridge where you think people wouldn't see it since that is where you always find moldy stuff that you forgot about! But no matter what I did, my dad and brother always seemed to sniff it out and eat it.  Another thing I thought of was that when we were sitting to a meal, my family tended to clean the dishes out and eat everything and it seemed to be a competition of sorts of who got the last serving. So if you didn't get the last serving, you didn't get anymore. So guess what!? I got programmed into thinking or feeling like there would be no more food of that kind so I had to eat it while it was available. This is the biggest mindset re-program that I need to make. I am blessed with plenty of food always. I have no reason to not think there will be any food left for me to eat. I should not fear putting my leftovers in the refrigerator and worry about someone else eating them. And not only that but I should be giving and unselfish. I should let whoever wants it have it. There will always be more another time.

While writing this I have noted that I tend to be a closet eater in all these areas. No matter whether its a time when I eat out of habit, stressful eating, boredom eating, or insecurity, I will eat huge amounts because no one can see me. If people are around, I tend to eat more appropriately and don't over eat. I need to learn to not be greedy in my eating and eat to live, not live to eat. Food is delicious, food is wonderful, and food is needed. So this re-programming I will have to do is going to be tough. But with the support of great friends and supportive family, I know that I can re-program my mindset of how to eat and live and not feel guilty.

Epic Fail

I've been absent for a few months.....and by a few I mean like 6 months. The last 6 months haven't gone so great. I said in the beginning I would never see the weight on the scale that I had lost. Well, yet again, I am reminded to never say never. I have gained all of it back and then some. In the beginning I knew why I had gained some of the weight back. I mean, let's face it, summer came and we went on vacation for a couple weeks and then other trips and whatnot came up and I ate terribly. I will say I didn't go overboard but I wasn't exercising as much to compensate. But today, I have gained yet another 2 lbs and I have been working out as much as I can and even counting the calories. I'm not sure what the deal is but I was so upset by it that I almost cried. Then when talking to my friend this morning about it, I finally just realized, you know what! I need to just be happy with who I am and what I look like. I need to continue to exercise and enjoy it and just try to eat less and more healthfully. Then from there whatever happens, happens. I've decided that stressing over whether I'm losing or gaining isn't going to help me. My true friends love me the way I am, I have a husband who loves me no matter what, and I have 2 little blessings that love me no matter what. So from today forward, I am giving up on making a weight loss goal and stress over how many calories I've eaten and have I done enough exercise. I will eat when necessary. I will exercise to enjoy myself. I have found that I like running. Who knew! So now that I have a treadmill in my home, I will use that as often as I can and use that to de-stress and enjoy!